I think what I want to say is finding the other half is not a tough task at all. Soon or later, every one will find her/his other half for sure. The issue is how to deal with the marriage after that. Searching for the other half and then dating with him/her to know her well won't take long, maybe 0--10 years which really depends on person. However, marriages (1,2,3 or more depending on persons again) will last generally at least 30 years which is much much longer.So my first conclusion is to look forward and prepare for marriage. Second conclusion is it is never too old to get married.

I like  "我不同意你说的话，但我誓死捍卫你说话的权利——伏尔泰(法)”。 I always would like to see and encourage the talented people to open their ideas. This world will be wonderful if every one has its own idea and there are different people: excellent, average and others.I always believe if you feel happy and you won't hurt others, you can keep your life style. Some people enjoy being a atheist, some love to be a christian, some find happy being a buddist, and I have a lot of nice friends who trust Islam. There are alos Daoist, and even Falungongist. I never blame anybody. If you feel happy with your own life or belief and you don't intend to hurt others or hate others, keep it and you are nothing wrong. If every one is of the same style, this world is not interesting.

What do you think?

Just finished reading this articlehttp://www.mitbbs.com/article_t/Family/31590109.html,

Some lines really catch my attention: "我以前脾气超好,现在脾气也不太好". "在结婚前，老婆性格很好，和我同专业，可以完全和我分享我的乐趣。不知道为
什么，现在会是这样。"Do us really change after marriage? I am sure I won't change. But will neither my wife? 

I am sure the qaz321  is a nice guy and he reports truth here. But on the other hand, I think he might hide something and didn't tell out. Seems he might ignore something: respect, sex...I don't know. I have to ask him.

Well, do you know why since you are a lady?I am really concerned.

I am interested always in reading this kind of article because I can learn from others' experience in marriage.

I always want to be with my wife all the time.

1)work on monday through friday and then take a break on weekends to have fun;

2) never quarrel with each other;

3) on weekend: watch TV together, have some tours together, or cook together and ....;

4) always enjoy two-people world and try not to have a child

Q2: What is the best husband?

A2: Based on my opinion, the best husband would rather cry before his wife than shout at her. Remeber one of my friends (W) told his american friend (M) that he cried a lot before his wife. The M shared his words with his circle and all male friends laughed. Later on M told W all of his male friends laughed at his crying before his wife. Then suddenly M said that all the girl friends who also were listening to the story said W is a best husband.

To judge what is the best husband should be like shall be from females, not males.

Question1: What is a good husband based on my understanding?

Answer1: a good listener and responder.

There are always sometime even some good husbands misunderstood what the wives want when they were complaining before husbands . Some blame wives, some kept silent and stay ignored.Some were so smart that tried to offer advice for every complain his wife made.

I will try to avoid doing any of them. Blaming will worsen the situation and may get wives mad such as tears or fights. Silence or ignorance will do the same as the blaming, the only difference is the first choice was usually selected by a strong (emotionally) husband while the second was performed by a good-temper/emotionally weak husband which usually first get abused from wives. The third one (offering advice) sounds good and were practiced most time by most nice husbands. This may work some time.But trust me, not all the time.

When the wives complained exhausting after work or worrying about the term exams  or never having a good pair of shoes or difficulty getting well with her co-workers, they jsut wanted to complained or talked for some reasons such as releasing emotional pressure or talking with the husbands. But one thing is kind of sure, they almost all know almost all the time what the answers are.So they are not coming to listen to my answers.

So trust me, the wives are smart or strong enough most time to handle the situations they complained. They don't need advice which is not a surprise the husbands will find most time the wives seem listening to his suggestion while never practiced it later. What the wives want the most is to hope the husbands please sit down around her and listen to her complaints/talks for a while before he opens his mouth, and then the husbands show the understanding or the best way, do what her female friends do, such as talking about the same situations (not advice) were also experienced by other people and then share the same feeling with her in the same direction. She will feel she is not alone and she is pretty normal. That is good enough.

Yes, offering advice will make wives feel kind of she is stupid or too weak. But telling her she is not the only one who experienced the same situation will make her feel better or even warm. You know she  is herself, the suggestions we offered won't fit in her ability or need. But please sitting down side-by-side around her or holding her and be a good listener and then a good responder will be my choice!!

Any comments or corrections are kindly welcomed!

Next time: Then what is ......Q2: What is a best husband?

       A2: crying before my wife instead of blaming her.....

I remeber when I was young. I prefered to chat a  long time and a lot with females, first older and then same age but never interested with younger ones. I now gradually understand why. I think because senior women are more likely caring and talk more about marriage which really interested me. I knew all the time that I cared about marriage from very young, partially due to getting tired of so many arguments happened between my parents. When I was young, I realized each time they argued with each other that my dad was wrong. I swear that time if I married a woman, I will never argue with her. I observed and concluded that nothing important or big should have made the arguments happen and then became worse. I decided I would never fight back to my wife's complaint. I know if the husband get serious, the little argument will turn into immediately fight. I know the wives kind of can't stop herself from complaining, a smart husband should not be serious about that. Trying to be a good listener is not bad choice. Of course if showing some understanding and sympathy and even complain with her in the same direction will be best.

I guess I learned a lot through the conversation with senior women and then later with same age female as me. It is not difficult to understand that it won't be easy to learn something important about marriage from a 20 year old young female. That is why I always get tired soon talking with them. Sorry for this since I don't mean to hurt or offend anybody, junior or younger.

Yes, I am strongly interested in marriage issues, academically or practically. Yes, I am Ph.D holder but not in that area. Actually, majoring in Marriage and Family study area is always my dream, it never materialized and I guess it won't come true either in my life unless miracles do exist.

Thanks for reading.

I have read it only twice and like it very much. I need to read again if got time. I just remeber one thing: men and women are born different.

I always claim I will be one of the best husbands because I believe I know the most about woman. I realize recently I am not completely right. I am not good at fashion. I don't know the fashionable clothes,shoes. lipsticks for female. I don't know spiritual need for a woman. I mean I can't enjoy reading female poems, I don't read essay, prose, travelogue, I don't like XuZhiMo, ZhangAiLing, or QiongYao, GuCheng.

The reason I don't like them is due to the feeling of being cheated. See, I didn't see any of the above writers who killed so many females' hearts ended up with a happy marriage. Ok, I ever loved reading the articles written by SanMao when I was in university. Then what happend, SanMao committed suicide. No, their unhappy marriage lives really affected my interest for their writings. I found out if the writer himself didn't know how to select and then nuture a good marriage, how can his writing healthy or instructive?

But I do feel I know women's emotional need . I have a super good temper. I will never shout at my lover. No matter how angry I feel, I will never blame my lover. Secondly, I will never force her to do what she doesn't want. Thirdly, I will never do anything (which is related with her) impulsively. I will always act on thought (for her) instead on my own perference. I mean I can control myself easily and perfectly for her. Fourthly, I will always be happy to share the housework with her. Fifthly, I always love communicating with her and never tired of listening to her too. Last, but not the least, and maybe the most important, I always take her as the most important consideration whatever decision or action I am going to take.

Now you see, what I am good at is nothing romantic. But I am just good at them and I believe somebody will just need this. Then she is my match.

I kind of believe that to judge a woman we have to look at her female friends. Same principle holds true for judging a man, e.g. by looking at his male friends.

What male friends I like to make:  General principle: must be good guy in heart (usually evaluated as good man by most people). Type 1: full of personal thoughts, usually talkive. Type 2: easy-going.

What kind of females I love the most: caring and good temper. I can't resist a female who  never get angry before me.